Tropical Storm Ernesto

Zippity do dah, zippity day, my, oh my, Ernesto’s on his way. Wind and no sunshine probably on Thursday, but fortunately, I’ll be zippty-do-da’n in Boston, MA.

It appears the Bushido will be cutting out of town a bit early to keep away from Che, excuse me, Ernesto the tropical-storm projected to hit Charleston tomorrow. The Post & Courier’s, what Brad calls the LowCountry bloggers, Postscripts have great coverage of the logistics regarding evacuations, parking and the other “Devils hiding in the details” we like to ignore until we are face to face. It looks as though Che will be hot on my trail as the storm is predicted to follow the Interstate towards D.C.

The experts are saying the Holy City should only receive rain and wind, but if you happened to be out in the elements last Thursday when we received 3 inches at high tide, you know the Peninsula floods quite easily and rain and 50 mph wind are still pretty damn dangerous.

Finally, if you want to keep up to date projections of all storms, go to the NOAA. Have a safe and happy Labor Day Weekend.

CHiPs at the Pork Pitt and California Roll-thru's

FYI: If you are traveling downtown Charleston anytime soon, the Beaufain and Pitt streets intersection has CHiPs all over it. For the past three weeks, the Po-pos are stopping Charlestonians guilty of the “California Roll-Through” (the driver doesn’t make a complete stop before preceding through the intersection).

Hopefully, they will get a rain delay for the next couple of days, but don’t count on it the boys in Blue are known for giving "good vibrations" rain, snow, sleet or hail-whoops, sorry that's the USPS.
(Photo: Bushido Staff/Trabert)

If you want to destroy my sweater, whoa-whoa-whoa, pull this thread as I walk away, as I walk away…

If this photo is any inclination to you regarding the haps of the night before, then you know that Bradford took one too many Unlimited Mulligans…If you get the chance check out Brad’s, err…Mark’s recent post regarding the Tuna’s ability.

More on the descent of mankind and Fanastasia in my next post… For you home-gamers out there, Brad is not wearing a sweater, but he was attached to this couch for 12.5 hours. Btw, we are checking Guinness to see if it is a World Record for someone who isn’t physically handicapped or injured.

"When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in 4 Acts"

Tonight Craig, Mellen and I watched the 4th part to director Spike Lee's "When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in 4 Acts" a raw documentary of the state of New Orleans and the Government's response to Hurricane Katrina. The first two acts were shown on Monday night, and the final two were tonight. The series will replay on August 29th the first anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. The profound loss and devastation the City with stood and the scars although laughed away by the thick skinned New Orleaneans is a tribute to every American and chronicles the changes our country needs to make in order to rebuild New Orleans.

Lee tells a story from the decadent beginnings of a unique American experience based on a laissez-faire blending of French and African cultures, from the birth of jazz in Congo Park, now aptly named (Louis) Armstrong Park to the creole blend of skin color and celebration of both birth and death in the Big Easy. As Wynton Marsalis narrates the culture legacy of music and the blended colors found in the "Paris of the South", it becomes apparent that we must truly rebuild New Orleans as what Mayor Nagin referred to as the "chocolate city".

Last year, Mellen and I adopted two refugees which we adore and truly miss, but after watching "When the Levees Broke" I can't help but think we did a small part in allowing two "Fugees" a piece of normalcy. Lauren, we hope you have settled back home here in Charleston. Ms. Roche, we hope you've picked up the pieces the best you can as you finish your law degree at Tulane. Y'all's picture is still on our ice-box. (Top photo is compliments of Lindsay McDaniel from her post-Katrina trip to New Orleans.)

College of Charleston students return to campus

All right, all right, all right…Classes begin at the College of Charleston today and the freshman crop is looking above par once again. I’ll go ahead and say, it the College of Charleston (by percentages) has the most attractive student body in the United States-sorry USC & UCLA, but we have you beat. Hey Woody how about it? “That's what I love about these (read: CofC freshman girls) high school girls, man. I get older and they stay the same age.” The major controversy at the College today will be traffic caused by the obvious “rubber-necking” from (male) drivers as they slowly cruise down Calhoun, George, King and St. Phillip streets. Sadly, this means there won’t be any drag racing down the ½ mile stretch on old Boundary Street. Sorry Wooderson. Just for S & Giggles, what do you have under the hood? “Bushido, Let me tell you what Melba Toast is packin' right here, alright. We got 4:11 Pos-trac outback, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake, bored over 30, 11 to 1 pop-up pistons, turbo-jet 390 horsepower. We're talkin' some f’in' muscle”. Welcome back to all of the returning students and cheers to all of the new Cougars starting out at the College this year.

(Photo compliments of Matthew’s Charitable Group, Just Keep Livin, check out their site to show support.)

This Sox, the Bushido fires back at the lazy-eyed, ESPN anchor, Stuart Scott and Boston's own Theo Epstein

I have always given ESPN anchor Stuart Scott a wide berth when it comes to things he "boo-yahs" about, but tonight his "vultures circling rant" about the Red Sox has me livid. I have never been one to attack his (Stuart's) lazy eye, his ridiculous rants or his "I am funny because I think I am funny" antics while sitting behind the desk at SportsCenter. But this past week, Scott announced the Buckeyes would lose to both Michigan and Texas-got my attention, I almost wrote a letter, and then tonight his "stick a fork in it" montage of let's show the Boston Massacre from 28-years ago and Part Deux this past weekend. Sure, the Evil Empire completed a 5-game sweep of the Red Sox in Fenway today beating the Sox 2-1 to increase their lead in the AL-East to 6 ½ games. But for the record, the last time New York had a 5-game sweep against Boston (@ Fenway) was in 1943. On the bright side, Manny Ramirez led the Sox in the series, 8 for 11 w/ 9-walks, 2-homers and 7 RBIs. Ramirez left today’s game in the 5th with a cramp in his right hammie, but he will return for the games against the Angels. Also, another bonus is that the Red Sox do have both Javier Lopez in the league, so we've got that going for us which is nice.
Mr. Scott, if you really wanted to be funny tonight you should have focused on comments made by Billionaire Boy Jerry Jones (GM, Owner and whatever other title he can give himself to satisfy his meglamania, of the Dallas Cowboys) as he was interviewed (by perhaps the worst three guys to call a game) tonight during the pre-season game against the New Orleans Saints. Jones not only can not pronounce the center-star Terrell Owens, but he pompously called Brett Favre, Joe Favre. My four-year old nephew knows that it is Brett Favre and not Joe Favre-JEEBUS! Jones is the Big D-Bag! And I don't mean Dallas as the Big D!

Great Expectations
Since becoming World Champions, the Red Sox are now expected (by the Red Sox Nation) to WIN! Once you come to terms with there never being a curse and realize that building a team around three things will win games: pitching, pitching and more pitching with a little bit of offense. What the Red Sox need are results, leadership and smart play, but the blame should not fall on the shoulders of just those in the dug-out. My contemporary, Theo Epstein (Boston's GM) and the rest of the front office should be taking most of the "blame" here. If Epstein is going to be consistent with his Billy Beane style of team building, then he should have picked up at least one lefty pitcher before the trade-deadline. Hey Theo, when a majority of the batters on your archrival Yankees are left-handed, it would be behoove of the front office to at least have one left-handed relief pitcher.

Results and Pitching
When your lead-off man, Coco Crisp goes 1 for 19, the Sabernomics of the situation call for someone else to step up to the plate for the first at bat. There is a definite problem when I can see that Jason Giambi and Bobby Abreu (both great fast ball hitters) can not hit the splitter thrown in on their hands while watching from my bed last night here in South Carolina, someone on the Red Sox pay-roll should be taking notice as well and giving the signal to the pitching staff that these guys can’t hit the inside-splitter. Pap had a hell of a game last night: he handled the pressure of a late inning bases-loaded situation, especially considering that he faced the most dangerous hitters in the Yankee line-up.

Leadership
Gabe Kapler, you are in the big leagues now son, get off your ass and make a move towards the ball. Had you committed to Jeter’s hit the game would have been over and you would be this week’s hero. With Jason riding the pine due to injuries, someone needs to step up and surgically remove some of these guy's heads from their posteriors. Also, Craig Hansen needs to use his time back in Pawtucket (PawSox) to work on his placement. Come on Hansie; don’t get upset that you’ve been demoted back to minors with an ERA of 11.32 & 13 earned runs in 10 1/3 innings you can’t just blame your performance last night for your downward spiral.

There's a lot more baseball to be played
The Red Sox have a lot of baseball left to play and they are not DOA. As Curt Schilling said, "Now is the time to see if they are pretenders or contenders." The Red Sox led the AL-East until the beginning of this month. They can regain their momentum and return to win the Wild-Card again this year. It may not be the Pennant, but they are still in it to win it. The Bushido will be in Boston to cash in a belated birthday present from the folks Labor Day weekend and if I have to break out the Justins to show the guys how to "Cowboy Up"-I will!

Karma Chameleon, Boy George works off some community service

"Do you really want to hurt me?" was a Culture Club hit in the 80's for lead singer Boy George; now it seems these words echo on the streets of New York as the old Karma chameleon has changed colors once again to put our "favourite" Boy of makeup, George O'Dowd into the ranks of the New York Dept of Sanitation for the last 5 days to work off a false burglary report which he filed back in March.

"When you want to get down, get down on the town Cocaine..."
Last March, Boy George called the Po-Pos to report a burglary at his lower-Manhatten flat. While filing the report the flatfoots found Cocaine and a ton of makeup @ Boy George's humble abode. (Free Advice: When you call the Police to report a break-in, make sure you stowe away all illegal substances and firearms). The Cocaine charge did not stick because 1) Boy George has an attorney who earns his keep and 2) Despite attempts by BushCo to do away with the Bill of Rights, we still have the 5th Amendment (Illegal search and seizure) in this country.

Boy George did perform his community service under the watchful eye of the Press-btw, why the hell was the Press Corps following this? Was it news? Or should a washed up 80's pop-star doing community service be news? (Why am I even posting about this?) But due to the stress of the Press, George yelled at his provaceteurs to be left alone, and to be allowed to work. I am not sure if the outbursts by George were appropriate, but what was he going to do? I mean, he could have let a fellow broom-handler give him a slow beat and belted out ever so softly, "Give me time, to release my crime. Words are few that I have spoken. Wrapped in sorrow words are token, come inside (the gate of this parking lot) and catch my tears... Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry"
But that my friends would have been what they call "poetic justice" which only happens in musicals by Meistro Marcus Campbell not in the mean streets of the Big Apple.

BRAD HIERS' BIRTHDAY!

Yes Ladies, today is Bradford Walker Hiers 32nd Birthday! Indeed Brad (see photo: white shirt doing his best Kris-Kross impression) is now 32 and on the market. Ladies Brad is a Leo who enjoys roaring with other young lions just as much as he does making his woman dinner, rubbing her feet and watching a movie on a Friday night. (Speaking of Friday night, Sime and Travis "Ron" McGee are coming to town to see Hootie & the Blowfish perform @ the Family Circle Cup in the 4th annual "Homegrown Concert" tomorrow night w/ the Gin Blossoms-Jeebus, if it was only 1995 I would be so "syked" up for that show-full disclosure: "My rear-view is still cracked".) I digress, Bobo, as he is so affectionally called by those he calls friends, also enjoys long walks on the beach, ride em' cowboys, and kitty-kat tigers.

If you find yourself already smitten, You could be this tall drink of water's lady friend if you know how to shake it like a Polaroid picture and treat this man right, because in the end, all Brad Hiers wants is a woman with a slow hand; he wants a woman with an easy touch. He wants somebody who will spend some time and not always be in hurried rush. (Serious inquiries only)

Happy Birthday Bobo! Here's to Unlimited Mulligans, a clean slate, and a fresh start on your next 30 years! Cheers!

You can ring my bell

Headline: Woman's Lust Leads to Misuse of 911 System in Hillsboro, Oregon.

They say when you are totally "moon-struck" you are in awe as you find true love in the eyes and heart of your cosmic counterpart. Evidently, Ms. Lorna Dudash was so moved by the visage of a local Po-Po (perhaps it was the uniform-who knows) when he and his partner followed up on a Noise Complaint and knocked on Ms. Dudash's door to ask her to politely turn down the music that she immediately called 9-1-1 to report another violation to get the aforementioned officer to return to her doorstep.

Oddly enough we are not talking about a juvenile female exploding with "boy-crushes" and hormones, but Ms. Dudash is a 42-year old woman, perhaps filled with "boy-crushes" and hormones and an inclination to "rock-out" with the music blasting. After scolding her on the grounds that, ""People who are, oh, say, older than 7 know not to use 911 except when where is an emergency," Washington County Judge Marco Hernandez sentenced her to 2 years probation, 100 hours of community service and close to 700 greenbacks in court fees.

Ficken Sie das, "I got one thing to say, it's better to burn out than to fade away". The judge should have told her neighbors that "If it is too loud you are too old". Keep it rocking Ms. Dudash and when you happen to see "the cutest cop I've seen in God knows how long", you have to grab that beautiful butterfly baby! Have a good weekend everyone. Peace!
(Photo compliments of LegalChick)

As Dr. Z says at the end of the Dodge commercials, "Auf Wiedersehen"

I know this won't mean much to you "English only" readers out there, but I had to get it off my chest in a somewhat cloaked vessel because I wouldn't want my comments to be preceived as "sour grapes". (By all means, have a Kraut speaking pal sit next to you and decipher my broken German or use one of Google's new "translation" tools.This is my response to a recent telephone interview, which I appreciated the opportunity to partake in a "interview" process, but hate being on the receiving end of an e-mail which begins with "Sorry, but we've decided to move forward in a different direction with other applicants whose experience and skills seem to be a better match for this (Editor's Note: entry-level sales) position."

Kürzlich habe ich eine Position mit einer Computer Softwarefirma beantragt aber leider ich wurde verweigert, weil sie ein anderes Richtung wie viel von einem Klischee einziehen, ist das? Ich bin nicht herzzerreissend oder irgendetwas, (will ich, Ablehnung gut) ich zu behandeln, nur wissen scheine, welche Richtung sie entschieden haben, zu gehen. Es ertönt zu mir mag es kann machen Spaß. Ernsthaft scheint meine Richtung, Lahmo zu sein, und offensichtlich der Kurs hat gesagt, dass Düse setzende Firma geführt ist, muss hübsch abkühlt sein oder sie würden in jener Richtung nicht geführt werden.

Das Ding ist habe ich gedacht, dass das Interview gut gegangen ist. Aber wenn ich mich selbst in eine Zugang ebene Umsatzposition nicht verkaufen kann, sind dann vielleicht sie richtig, kann Umsatz mein Ding nicht sein. Aber der Tatsache stille Überreste, dass es gibt zwei Dinge dass ich gut an bin, lassen fallen Höschen und gebende Sprachen.

Das letzte Mal, das ich Sie geprüft habe, musste gut an Verkauf sich sein, um zu gewinnen, die Herzen und die Gemüter von hat Höschentropfglas gesagt. Ich glaube noch an einer Geisteswissenschafterziehung und Politologie als ein Major, weil es Ihnen eine weltliche Aussicht und Einblick zum interconnectedness (Politik, Künste, Geschäft, Wirtschaftswissenschaft und von Kursmitgefühl) von den Einwohnern auf dem dritten Felsen von der Sonne gibt.

Vielleicht die Insiderinformationen (von Frau Tumey) von Schlüsselbegriffen sind benutzt worden die von der Firma die ich listig habe angefertigt in Konversation hat gemacht den Interviewer glaubt, dass ich von Anna in den Personal „trainiert" wurde, Abteilung Anna hat meinen Lebenslauf erhalten, oder während sie sagen, „Fuß in der Tür". Aber das ist ihr Verlust. Alles in allem danke ich der oben genannten Firma für ihre Aufrichtigkeit und das Interview erfährt und am besten von Glück zu ihnen mit, ihre Bewegung in einer verschiedenen Richtung, während sie vorwärts mit Bewerbern dessen Erfahrung und Fähigkeiten scheinen bewegen, ein besseres Gegenstück für diese Position zu sein". Ficken Sie das, könnte ich Eis zu einem Eskimo verkaufen! Sie, während es scheint, haben weise nicht gewählt.

Gut wenigstens jetzt muss ich der Außenseite nicht sein, die Felsen an ihre Fenster wirft, weil ich habe teilgenommen ans Verfahren und das ich mich zu mich selbst eines Tages werde nicht wundern müssen, auf was ist, wenn ich für Schwarzb gegolten habe. FOB Panzer hat ein Interview mit ihnen morgen. Viel Glück der Panzer!

-- James Trabert

New Rule to the Bushido Code

The odd thing about the wiring which makes my gray matter work is that I seem to turn on the automatic pilot while on road trips and think about random, yet sometimes crucial, thoughts as they say while turning wheels on asphalt and in my head. To prevent looking like the crazy guy talking to himself while driving, I have adapted to the prevention of judgment from my fellow drivers by letting a legal pad ride shotgun. Whenever a random thought that I would like to share on the Bushido comes to mind, I simply scribble it on the yellow paper.

The trip to Helen, Georgia produced a few things of interest, and I will share them once I find a way to present said thoughts in a proper manner. However, I do have one new rule to the Bushido Code which is at the fore-front and that inspiration came from two bald guys chatting, I assume to other people, via Blue-Tooth headsets in the Toyota one lane over.

Bushido Code Rule #313
If you are a bald white male you are forbidden to wear Blue-Tooth headsets. This is for your benefit, preventing any similarity to actor John Hollis who played Lando Calrissian's aide in Empire Strikes Back (see photo of action figure available on RebelScum.com, with blue Bespin Blaster, retail $2.49). That is unless you are trying to woo female geeks of the species. No, I am sorry, that is still just wrong.

Wednesday's WTFs

The Bushido has two WTFs for Wednesday.

1. WTF is up with Maurice Clarett? I am tired of writing about this guy's f-ups. Give me a break Maurice! If you are (in)famously known for one of the 4-F's you can't go around robbing people for their cell phones, wrecking cars and leading the Columbo-Po-Po on high speed chases. Why? Because everyone knows your face and obviously the Po-Pos have your number (Buckeye jersey #13 for one year). For those of you unfamiliar with the 4-F's, let me explain the 4-F's (the only 4 things to do) in O-H-I-O! The 4-F's are Farming, Fighting, Football and Fornicating and you can't Farm in the winter. I am not sure what party Clarett was headed to wearing a bullet-proof vest with a small arsenal of lock and loaded weapons in his vehicle, but it seems the Columbo-Po-Pos may have saved him from really F'in up. (Was there an A-Team Convention in Columbus which the pride of Warren High was going to attend?) Regardless, it doesn't change two facts about Clarett's arrest: 1) Maurice Clarett is thug on a mission to self-destruct. 2) For you home-gamers keeping score, Clarett's arrest makes the score Cops-387 to the idiot criminal drivers on the lamb-0!
2. WTF is up with Photobucket? Why did Photobucket remove my pictures on the Bushido? I am not sure. Perhaps, they think they "own" My pictures which I loaded to My account. Do they not understand that without photos I can't keep Craig, Jamie or Bobo's attention long enough to get them to read what I post? (I am on it. If I have to go back in and add these pictures, I will. But Photobucket techies, if you are reading this I just want you to know that I don't even have to tell you how unhappy I am about this.)

K-Greasy Can't Kill It All of the Time!

I was watching Hell's Kitchen last night on the recently installed big screen at the house (thanks Bobo) and I hate to say it, because I know that "wiggers" across America are sad, but it is time for Keith (K-Greasy) to turn in his jacket and hit the road. To quote the great hat to the side and lean back chef/bartender, "K-Greasy can't kill it all of the time". Don't worry K-Greasy, the Bushido thinks you received enough exposure to land a gig "cheffin" it somewhere. Until then, in case a free-style rap-off breaks out, you can check out this helpful link to survive the battle. I did enjoy the snark at the end, which Chef found to be terribly rude, regarding Chef's favoritism toward Virgina-you may be onto something there K-Greasy. Then again, they are both married and talented chefs, so enough with the sour grapes.

Virginia is for lovers
Despite Virginia's recent leap into nuptials, the Bushido not only believes she will win the new kitchen after beating out the psycho-killer Heather, but she has also won the heart of the Bushido. Seriously, I was thinking about it. She has all of my favorite attributes in the female of the species: she's manic, she's up and down (bi-polar), insecure, cries at the drop of a hat, she's flirtty, over-emotional, knows her way around a kitchen, and she's adorably brunette. All right, so the Bushido Way is to enjoy all of those attributes except for the brown hair-just kidding, the Bushido is a fan of brunettes. (Full disclosure: My step-dad, Dan, asked me why I didn't date brunettes this weekend, and we determined that it is a subconscious hang-up with roots in our return to the States after living in Costa Rica when a Spanish contemporary of mine, kissed me and took my Mickey Mouse stuffed animal. I haven't trusted a brunette since. Funny side note, Mother thought all the ladies that I brought home where brunettes. I think she quit caring about hair color years ago; she just wants her Jimmy to get married before she turns 60-Happy Birthday Momma!)

(Photos compliments of Hell's Kitchen)

Megan Shea & Lee's Reporting Pictures

No Bald Spot, questions of 30 and MTV turns 25

I ain't going to lie, turning 30 is a real beatch. Granted the Bushido has a few months under his belt since the 30th-birthday, but I still get all of the thirty questions: When are you getting married? What is the next step in your career? And is that a bald spot? My one response to the first two questions is be patient baby, I am a work in progress. My response to the last question is a big Florida University-FU! I am not going bald-it is my crown part (see photo). In my defense I noticed Harrison Ford has the same crown part when I saw the back of his head in the movie "Working Girl" (a brilliant flick, check it out if you don't own it already-I picked it up at Target for $5.99). Obviously, I don't get to see the back of my head as much as I would like-wait, why would I want to see the back of my head? Oh that's right, the bald spot question. Well for the purpose of full disclosure and to end the bald debate, the proof is in the pudding, err, the picture. (Photo of last minute preps of JET & Bobo before Mark's wedding in the Citadel Chapel.)
It surprised me yesterday to learn that MTV was not only turning 25, but they weren't celebrating. No flash-backs, no Kennedy or Kurt Loder kicking it-well, Kurt is still at the network, but he isn't spoon feeding me the "You heard it here first" news. Not even a full day of videos-which if I recall was the reason for the channel in the first place. (For the record, I did learn by watching MTV News that Jay-Z is boycotting Krystal champagne because their suits made negative comments about Rap & Hip-Hop artists and their adoration of the bubblies. Who needs that snooty Frog water anyway?)

Oh...Buggles
As anyone who's ever played trivia will tell you, the Buggles "Video Killed the Radio Star" was the first video played on MTV, 25-years ago. Not that I saw the video for the first play because 1) I was 5 and wouldn't remember anyways and 2) My family didn't live in New Jersey nor did we have cable at the time. (Full disclosure: the first video I ever saw on MTV was the Fabulous Thunderbirds "Ain't that Tough Enough" followed by the astronaut planting the MTV flag on the Moon). I digress; I can understand why MTV wants to hide their 1/4 of century age to stay hip and cool. Nothing blows worse than realizing you are the old guy in the club. That being said, I did want to check out MTV after watching my normal Tuesday night programming. (Btw, for you trivia buffs, in tonight's episode of "Boston Legal" the pharmacutical company Delvin-McGregor which Michael J. Fox misused to receive treatment, was also the name of the dubious pharm company in the movie "The Fugitive"-BYAHHH!! Two Harrison Ford references in one post!!!)

New Pollution
It came to my attention why I didn't watch MTV anymore after watching "Final Fu" (a Martial Arts contest show) and "Making of the Band" (P-Diddy makes 5 attractive ladies music stars, work their beat Scott Storch)-MTV doesn't play videos anymore. All right, that is not entirely true, they show videos in the morning in the show "ADD-Videos" (basically a show were they play approx. 20-30 seconds of a video before switching to a new video with a minor connection). As if ADHD kids need help paying attention to anything for more than 30 seconds.

Reality TV killed the Video stars
What happened? Why won't MTV show videos anymore? Nelly Furtado's "Promiscious Girl" w/ Timbaland keeps my attention for the entire song. Why not play it over and over? What about the self-proclaimed "blonde ambition" of this Era Miss Paris Hilton? She has a fantastic (well mixed cocktail 1/2 part Blondie "The Tide is High" and 1/4 Gwen Stefani's earlier No Doubt Ska-band work and 1/4 Paris Hilton trying to whisper a singing voice) mixed studio song aptly named "Stars are Blind"...the lyrics are great, "Men are all crazy, and the Stars are blind". The video is a female version of Chris Isaacs' "I want to fall in love", but it works. And here I thought her talents stopped at making "blonde" comments and bad sex tapes. Boy was I ever partially wrong/right. The new pollution is that MTV no longer plays total crap videos which produce the bi-product of showcasing artists creative talents behind the camera, but they pollute the air with crap programs that have little or nothing to do with music. Why would a station with the intentions of being on the edge of music put Fezz from "That 70's Show" on for a half-hour with a show of nothing but snaps and Momma jokes? What does "Laguna Beach", "The Real World" or "Final Fu" have to with music? Nada a damn thing.
You heard it here first...
Perhaps this is MTV's way of saying, we are a work in progress. Our best intentions went off track and we are keeping things fresh. If you like videos, by all means get up early or stay up late and watch VH1. Just don't expect us to paint ourselves in the corner with music. Because when you look into the reflection of the MTV astronaut's helmet you won't see a bald spot.

Mel Gibson and DUI Decimal System...

Early Saturday morning whilst alone driving a large U-Haul and leading a convoy of a bent-mirrored U-Haul (blind on the right side), Pop’s (new) Buick Park Avenue & Bobo’s “one-eyed” bandit, I heard on 98.1 Rock the news that Mel Gibson was arrested for Speeding (87 in a 45 mph zone) and Driving Under the Influence (BAC 0.12). As the gossip and facts are coming in, it seems this guy really has a hang-up with Jewish people. The police report has Gibson as saying, “The Jews are responsible for all of the wars in the world” and after threatening the arresting deputy he asked the officer if he was a “Jew?”Gibson acknowledged he has a drinking problem and left the P.R. to-“Ari Emanuel of the Endeavor Agency, the inspiration for Jeremy Piven’s character in “Entourage,” issued a statement about Gibson that read in part: “People in the entertainment community, whether Jew or gentile, need to demonstrate that they understand how much is at stake in this by professionally shunning Mel Gibson and refusing to work with him, even if it means a sacrifice to their bottom line”-nothing more than apologizing for his “despicable, belligerent behavior”, and trying to down play his rather anti-Semitic remarks.

Ironically, Walt Disney’s (one of Tinsel town’s closet anti-Semites) Company, which owns ABC, is canceling a Holocaust Mini-Series project with Gibson but will release Gibson’s (once again) self-financed Mayan-language-subtitled (once again) movie “Apocalypto” on Dec. 8, however Disney’s Studios did promptly put the kibosh on future endeavors with Gibson’s production company Icon Pictures.

In Vino et Veritas (In wine there is truth)
You can call me “Mad Max” and say that I am way “Beyond Thunderdome” here, but the thing is we should have all seen the “Signs” that Mel Gibson is a “Lethal Weapon”, because he seems to (reportedly) hate “The Man Without a Face” and this narcissistic and elitist behavior came about ever since his “Braveheart” believed he knew “What Women Want”. However, there is a “thin red line”, whoops sorry; he wasn’t in that one. I digress; sometimes we can all feel like “A Bird on a Wire” wondering if we are held “Ransom” by the “Paparazzi” as our only options are either to “Chicken Run” or to “Payback”, but trust me, there is no “Conspiracy Theory” to blame when you start a “Chain Reaction” from a “Year of Living Dangerously”. No matter if you were once “The Patriot”, the public eye will forget that “We Were Soldiers” and you will receive your “Punishment”. Mel Gibson, I leave you with this sound advice, don’t judge others for not sharing your “Passion of the Christ”*, people of the Jewish faith are not complete “Savages” and you my friend are not “Forever Young”, you will one day leave behind your own “Fairy Tale: A True Story” and one can only hope the “Summer City” favors you with a “Tequila Sunrise” instead of a tragic “Hamlet”.

(Photo of the two most popular anti-Semites bearded Gibson & Hussein are compliments of Top.Lourd.Free)