John and Jenny are selling (asking $22,000) their 2001 BMW X5. If interested you can check out the specs (Silver with Black Leather, premium pkg., cold weather package-heated seats etc, CD, Moon Roof,excellent condition! 102K miles 1 owner) and contact info (phone: 843-478-1815) on Craigslist (here’s the link).
As you all know, "the General" broke down a couple of weeks ago (see "Houston we have a problem"). A special thanks to Todd down at Southern Volvo for getting her fixed at a totally reasonable (1/4 value of the car) price. I digress; I didn’t have to ride the "heel to toe express" because my pals John and Jenny (the Tumeys) tossed me the keys to Jenny’s ‘old’ BMW as a loaner. Indeed, this was a very gracious gesture by two very close friends and I am grateful, however, sadly, I must resent them for letting me borrow their X-5 for a week. Let me explain.
Let me begin by establishing a couple of the Bushido's ground rules for borrowing a vehicle from someone: first, always wash, clean-out (your empties) and fill up the tank (gas and fluids-I suggest the Rain-X windshield wiper fluid if you want to go the extra mile) before you return it. Secondly, only borrow cars of equal or below the equivalent of what you are used to driving. My Volvo (Latin for "I roll"), "the General Sherman" handles all right, her take-off is roughly 0-60 in 3 minutes, and she can take a rough handling. Remember the General was once owned by Hutto, who thought he was a long, lost 'Duke boy' when he drove her. I've enjoyed "the General" for years; she's always been good to me and I am totally content with her, that is, until last week.
The reason for my discontent is simple, I was spoiled by a vehicle created by the finest engineering minds in the world, the Germans, who thought it some humorous prank to create a SUV, the BMW-X5, that handles like a sports car-damn those Germans know how to build a car-with all of the comforts and safety features of a mid-sized, luxury SUV. It was a sad day when I had to reluctantly return the key to Jenny-She actually had to pry it from my fingers, kick me in the 'junk' and wrestle me to the ground to get it-and get behind the wheel of the old Volvo. Trust me when I tell you this, having luxury (in an automobile) and losing it, is worse than never having luxury at all. Hence the mild resentment. Write that down; I'll sign it-James E. Trabert.
I am not quite sure what exactly was the catalyst for the automobile depression I experienced upon returning to "the General", but something obviously was missing. I first noticed this feeling when my phone rang, I tapped my left thumb twice, yet the music did not turn down. What the? Reality check, I actually have to reach to turn down the radio. The leather on the seats were comfortably broken in and gave off the lightest scent signaling that I was in the prescence of well crafted, double-stitched quality leather challenged only by what you would find in a Bentley. As the son of Lenny Trabert, I grew up with the Trabert family "no-head turning" mirror positioning ingrained*, however, not only was this X5 already on the money, but when reversing, the mirrors position downward so you can see any obstructions (something my father thought someone should invent a long time ago). Perhaps it was a combination of becoming accustomed to the luxury conveinences in the Silver Surfer (BMW X5) and the ego boost from people complimenting how good I looked behind the wheel or the smiles and glances from attractive females on the road and side-walks. (Trust me, this ride, especially with the moon-roof open, allowing God's flash light to shine in on the driver, attracts attention-I still have ladies ask me if I am the guy w/ the silver X5) that caused me to sigh everytime I get in the Volvo now. Or perhaps it was the mini-vacation I took everytime I cranked the engine, turned up the music (the Bushido recommends jamming to either "Wolfmother" or "Art Brut") with the windows down, moon roof open, having the sport mode on (as if a BMW needs an afterburner to launch off of the starting line) and leaving all of the stress of my so called life in the dust behind me.
Actually, I think that now I am over it. I can forgive the Tumeys for their hospitality. They've had their backsides in those supple leather seats and they wanted to show the Bushido how motivating a comfortable ride can be. In fact, if anything they lended me more than just a car. They lended me a new outlook on life. I think it is time to reinvent JET; I need to get out there and make some scratch. They have opened my eyes to the motivating secret of capitalism. What Communists out there refer to as Materialism is not just infatuation with shiny silver objects; it is an avenue of escapism, because when everything else goes to hell in a handbasket, at least you can arrive in style, fresh from a stress free vacation with a smile on your face. Sure some people can do that with focus, prayer, meditation, or exercise. But I'll take a black key with the famous blue-sky propeller insignia on it over those other options any day of the week.
*For those of you unfamiliar with this position, put the driver's side mirror's bottom right corner at the edge of your viewpoint to the left rear of the car. (You now have full left lane visibility.) Put your passenger's side mirror's bottom left corner to where you can just see the door handles on your car. (You now have full right lane visibilty.
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