I am home from Christmas holiday and I have to say that despite what you may believe about your family, my family definitely put the "fun" in dysfunctional. I love my family to death and we all love to pick on one another, but to my surprise, my sister, Dani gave me a Barbie doll this year. (She had her reasons!)
I know what you are thinking, 30-years old, not married, maybe he needs a hint or a reminder that the proverbial "clock is ticking". Indeed, she did the right thing. Well, she did do the right thing. She first made me think that I mistakenly in my haste to shred apart colorful paper opened one of my nieces gifts. But alas, the joke was on yours truly. (Rule #1: Play hard, laugh hard in our family).
I digress; I catch a lot of slack from the family for only dating what they refer to as "Barbie dolls" and not the challenging, intellectual, Alpha-types. (I swear it is not me, those Alpha-types of girls don't like the "Dupreeness" or "Jetness" that I bring to the table.) And are they assuming the young ladies on my "long, but distinguished list" of ex's are not smart? I'll have you know, that one of the freshmen that I dated actually read at a sophomore level.
D-Fense!
In my defense, is it my fault that I live in the Holy City where even the Alpha-types could double for Malibu-Barbie? I think not. Is it my fault that I am not looking for a Rhodes Scholar? I think not. Look I didn't invent the game. If the "All-knowing, all seeing Holy" on top of "Mt. Whatchamacallit" wanted me to have married prior to now, then it would have happened. And it is not that I have a comm..it..ment issue (see I can say, err, spell the word), because I would have happily married my high school crush Kendra Dietz, but it just wasn't in the cards. (Full disclosure: Ms. Dietz was smarter than I was and a Varsity cheerleader. I, on the other-hand, was bedeviled with acne and was too small to play football. Despite what the "centerfolds" say, not all girls just want a guy that can make them laugh. I doubt that I even came up on her radar.) Good grief, I haven't thought about that name (Kendra) in years. I wonder what ever happened to her-probably married. Sorry Y'all, time to focus.
7 Types of smoke!
I think what the family and especially my sister Dani are trying to express is that they are tired of always getting smoked by yours truly in trivia, "Who Am I?" and other board games during the holidays. They think that if I get married I will some how lose my superior cerebral powers. That I will become one of those married guys who asks, "Honey, where do we keep the ice?" But if it helps to put their worried minds to rest, I recently found out via Post Scripts that Reese Witherspoon and her kids have moved to town. Now there's an interesting, intelligent woman! (Not that I am hanging out at the aquarium or at the city parks or anything) Btw, in case you didn't pick up on it, I saw You, Me & Dupree last night, it is well worth the trip to the video store or how ever it is you get your new releases.
No comments:
Post a Comment