Wingman

The WaPo’s Laura Sessions Stepp has done it again; the investigative reporter has uncovered top-secret information and exposed the stratagem of single men through out the world in her article, “A Bud for The Ladies”. That’s right Goose, Sessions Stepp put out our wingman secrets in print. She’s explained duties of the Wingman as “falling on the grenade”, recon and never hitting on the target your friend is hitting on. I was impressed that the article did also expose the female mirror of the wingman. I am talking about the ‘cock-blocking’ lady-friend who shoots you down at the end of the night and does everything in her power to prevent her friend (the mark) from making a “bad decision”. That is why you need a wingman-to run interference.

Don’t worry though guys, not all is lost. The article only gave away information used by George Washington students and not dashing, cavalier, So-Gents who invented and carried on the tradition of p-drops and fainting spells on distressed damsels and So-belles. That’s right; the article did not even mention the key role of the ‘Iceman’. If there is one thing that Jim Trabert will one day be eulogized is for is my icebreaking ability or my ability to break through the line of defense and get our group in the mix. That being said, hands down the best wingman I ever had was Craig Blackmon. I would have to say, Pit-Stop (Chad McGowan) and the Beav (Robert Going) would be closed seconds. Scott Farley is in way too good of shape which always forced me into the wingman slot. Tom Stikeleather was the man back in his day, but you had to keep an eye on him because when the going got tough, he’d duel you for the girl.

Memorial Day Weekend, Brad Hiers on Boat

I thought that I would share this picture with you of Brad Hiers from this weekend.

Happy Memorial Day, Pictures from Capers Island

Capers Island
Lex Baker
Dr. Vallini and his squeeze Sallie
Becca and Nikki
If you can't tone it, tan it there Trabert, and Dallas, and Bobo Hiers.
Floatilla in the morning
Hey, It's Jason Koplin's boat

Boatdrinks from the Crew

Have a safe and memorial, Memorial Day!

Answering the call of Kennedy!

On January 20, 1961, the United States 35th President John F. Kennedy asked the citizens of this country to become more active in the fight of the "common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease, and war itself." In his inaugural speech Kennedy called everyone to service by saying, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." Kennedy promised a brave new world of hope, all we had to do was roll up our sleeves and get to work. As we celebrate the birth of Kennedy and remember the recent passing of one of his close personal friends, (that’s right Dan Quayle, you are no Jack Kennedy) I ask everyone to contribute to their community, and answer the call (to service) from Kennedy! –James Trabert

Here's a few suggestions to help your fellow American:

Be a lifeguard at a neighborhood pool!













Show kids how "to be like Mike"













Help a brother pimp his ride!

Remember on Memorial Day

I just realized that I am a complete unAmerican 5 Star A@@hole who dwells on his inner-Frenchman to celebrate a day of rememberance of those who have fallen with boating, bbq'in and imbibing adult beverages. However, as big of a 5-star a@@hole as I am, I am not as big an a-hole as the ignorant fux who wrote and the ditto-head ignorant fux who are forwarding the e-mail titled "Germany Never Attacked Us". This e-mail basically reminds the reader that Democrats (FDR) got us into WW2, President Truman (Democrat) dropped the bomb on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, President Kennedy (Democrat) got us into Vietnam. (Actually Ike got us involved with Indochina when the French pulled out the Foreign Legion because they were getting bad press due to the amount of former SS troops seeing combat under the Legion's flag, but like I said, ignorant fux wrote this and ignorant fux forward it.) I digress; Johnson (Democrat) added fire to the killing fields of Vietnam. Carter pissed off the middle-East, and Clinton attacked the Balkans, albeit ending genocide on a continent that had seen carnage of this level once before in the 20th Century. However, Republicans hate to fight and only do it with a heavy heart and as a last resort. President Bush is saving the day and the American way of life, as he was drawn into the War of Terror against his will, and has brought Peace to the middle-East and lowered the War to the 'fight against Terror'. Really Claudia? Do you really fux'in believe this as truth? Do you? If you do, by all means, please tell it to the following people.


















































































Remember on Memorial Day. Remember that freedom really isn't free. And that those who never served (President Bush and V.P. Cheney) are more inclinded to send troops to fight for their own and their friend's interest. But you are right Claudia, Germany Never Attacked Us. But the eminent threat of German attack was looming-their allies attacked us, and the Germans did attack our allies. And now that we know that Democrats are stronger on defense (from your own e-mail) let's elect Democrats to Congress in the mid-terms, and let's put a Democrat back in the White House. Perhaps then we will be able to find a 6'4" Saudi Arabian who actually did attack this country.

Spoleto Kicks Off Today!

Mel said the Bush Twins will be in town for the Spoleto Kick-off celebration, City Hall on Broad Street at high-noon!

A Blanket of Roses

The Lottery happens to be the most disgusting regressive tax on the hapless poor, struggling middle-class and degenerate gamblers since the Romans gave prisoners the choose “freedom or death option”-not that the “doors of death” were stacked against the sorry slave who happened to live in the wrong (absorbed by the Empire) country; but usually history played out the game as the slave or Christian had the following choices available in the game-door #1 (lion awaits), door #2 (lion awaits) and door #3 (lion awaits). And yet people still played, albeit a majority played against their will, yet many played because they wanted to become citizens and live in the lap of Rome's luxury.

It seems that history repeats itself when it comes to the gambling spirit. Because money won is better than money earned, or so they say. And despite our Puritan background, we all like to roll the dice from time to time. The odds of winning the lotto are so stacked against the player that you have better chance of being hit by lightening than winning the lottery. Could you imagine if they had those kinds of odds in Vegas? The only people who would travel to the desert would be Celine Dion fans and people who are really into the Kraut-Kissing duo and their man-eating tigers. That being said, I still play. Why might you ask? Because you never know; seriously, even the hapless of hapless losers catch a break baby one more time. Why can’t it be you or me? Or better yet, why can’t it be the original hustler himself, Pete Rose? I can imagine that my winning the lotto would be like “Charlie Hustle” getting tapped for a place on the wall in Cooperstown. Yet in this time of on-line gambling and Boston Red Sox scratch off lottery tickets, Pete Rose is left out in the cold. The irony here is that Barry Bonds and other steroid-offenders will find themselves in the Hall of Fame because they did not break a baseball law; they just broke a Federal law. But Pete Rose who bet on the ponies and baseball (in accordance with Federal and State laws) will be kept out of the Hall because his crimes (although not illegal in the eyes of the law) were illegal under Major League Baseball's rules.

Bottom line, if Major League Baseball is going to condone gambling with the Red Sox scratch off cards, then they sure as hell better let the best damn hitter the game has ever seen into the hall, regardless of his past (gambling) mistakes. The Bushido is pulling for you Charlie Hustle!

Looking Out for the little guy

It seems our cousins to the North (Carolina) are quite astute when it comes to looking for the little guy. I was so pleased to read in the Island Packet this morning that the North Carolina Banking Commission slammed Advance America’s appeal for violations of North Carolina’s Consumer Finance Laws and (NC) State Check Cashing Laws. The Commission ruled America Advance’s interest charge of over 400% on personal/payroll check loans was in clear violation of Consumer Finance Laws. The 117 offices of Advance America will be shut down in North Carolina for this violation. (The Spartanburg based company operates over 2,000 locations in the Southeast.) The bright-line rule here is based on the NC State Law maximum allocation for interest charges @ a rate of 36%.

I am glad to see government regulators finally stepping in to stop the downward spiral many Americans on the lower end of the economic spectrum face. These companies are nothing more than poachers who feast on the monetarily lame and weak. These ‘poor’ folks with their back against the wall turn to these companies to get out of a jam, but are left in a worse position than when they started. Sadly, a majority of the 117 Advance America stores in North Carolina are located within five-miles of US Military bases. As we all know (and love) North Carolina is a military friendly state, with the largest US Marine installment (Camp Le Jeune) as well as a vast US Army base (Ft. Bragg) and a handful of other bases are all located within the Tar Heel state, companies such as America Advance had two huge incentives to set up shop. 1) A majority of military families are eligible for Government Food Stamps or WIC because of their high debt to income ratio. 2) Military personnel can in many circumstances be punished for welching on their debts as this shows poor character on the payer, regardless of the challenging terms set (negotiated) by the payer. Bravo to the gang up in Charlotte for putting the kibosh on pick-pocket companies such as Advance America.

Reggae Legend Desmond Dekker Dies of Heart Attack

Reggae legend Desmond Dekker (born Desmond Dacres) passed today from a heart attack at the age of 64. Most of the younglings out there probably don’t know Desmond’s work, but for those who do know, he will be missed. Dekker was a welder turned musician and the first artist to popularize reggae and Jamaican ska music outside of Jamaica. The song that put him on the map was “King of Ska” a blasting tune of jubilance backed up by The Cherrypies (aka, the Maytals). A legend by all means, his 1968 hit “Israelites” was the first reggae song to top the charts in the US and the UK.

One of my favorite Dekker songs was “You Can Get It If You Really Want” written by Jimmy Cliff. If you have one of your own, by all means, add it in the comment section. I was joking when I said the younglings don’t know about Desmond, because obviously everyone knows Double D. Dekker influenced the Clash and the Sex Pistols with his “rude boy” antics. Finally, when you are named by your buddy Paul on the ‘White Album’, “Desmond has a barrel in the market place, Molly is a singer in the band”, everyone knows who you are. Sing “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da”!

(Photo compliments of the Bluebeat Lounge)

Different Ways Cheney Can Kill You

From the Beaver...

Mills-McCartney headed to the "Big D", Apparently, Love is (not) all you need

Growing up, I often heard my father or uncles use the phrase, “You have about the same chance as a one legged man, in an ass kicking contest” when they wanted an allegorical description of a situation where one would be faced with incredible odds. As an introduction this is probably in bad taste but I think Heather Mills McCartney may be the exception to the rule, as she is about to receive somewhere between $150 and $376 million for her 4-year marital investment with ex-husband (and “soon to be” ex-billionaire) Paul McCartney-essentially kicking his (non-prenuptial agreement) ass. The couple’s divorce (according to Paul) was caused by the media and the tabloids.

Laughable-Heather Mills McCartney has told the press on numerous occasions that she did not marry Paul for his money, but as we are about to find out, she’ll definitely divorce him for his money. I’d like to think that Mills McCartney did marry for love and that she won’t feel entitled to take her Queen’s ransom, but people say that I am a dreamer-and I am the only one. But do you honestly think that she has a leg to stand on with her request of a 9-figure settlement? Regardless, in the “real”-world of jurisprudence and billionaires the Walrus did leave the vault open by not getting her signature. And why didn’t Paul make her sign? Because sometimes “Love is all you need”.

(Photo compliments of the BBC)

Tucker Carlson

Today is Tucker Carlson's birthday. I have to say prior to his (relatively) new show The Situation with Tucker Carlson and despite sharing an affinity towards wearing bow-ties, I have never been a fan of Tucker, especially when he was on Crossfire. Jon Stewart probably described my sentiment best when he responded to Tucker's statement "Jon, you are not as funny as you are on your show" [The Daily Show with Jon Stewart] on Crossfire by saying, "Tucker, you are as big of a dick on your show as you are on others." That being said, Tucker deserves a journalistic bow of honor because he has done his time in the journalistic trenches, which I am sure is all in his new book, Politicians, Partisans and Parasites: My Adventures in Cable News.


Happy Birthday Tucker! (Photo compliments of I am going to hell for this one)

President Bush to address the Nation regarding Immigration

Tonight (8 pm) President Bush will address the nation to outline his plan to deploy Army National Guard troops to aide the Border Patrol in defense of the Mexican/US border. The Old Gray Lady reports Mexico’s Presidente-o Vicente-o Fox-o called Dubya-o to ask what the F-O? Obviously, Dubya is stuck between a rock and hard place on this issue, but he’s listening to the people and the “people want the border’s closed” (WaPo).

The ‘hard-place’ of course is the fundamental base of the GOP and to think that they are dissatisfied about abortion, same-sex marriage and immigration would be an understatement. As they should be, these folks get out the vote for their candidate and only receive lip-service from Republican candidates when it comes to the Christian base’s concerns and issues. (When the election rolls around you hear about gay-marriage, abortion, etc, but nothing is ever done about it once the GOP candidate is elected.) I read today, that Conservatives may withhold their support in the next election if Congress and the White House don’t shape up. As they should, let their conscience be their guide, soon the pendulum will fall back to the left-naturally; somebody has to clean up this mess.

The ‘rock’ is the fiscal side of the GOP. The bottom line is that the Republican Party is in bed with big business, and they smoke screen their tax policies to make small business vote along party lines as well. That being said, the bottom line to protect for small business is the need for cheap labor (especially with fuel prices moving upward towards $3). Where do you find skilled and affordable labor? Hola Mexico! BushCo has reached out towards Hispanic voters and entertained efforts to provide a system of guest workers, and a growing minority of voters to add girth to the party base. But he is taking heat from the We Are America Alliance as they protest against National Guard troops and the measure of punitive legislation coming from Capitol Hill. I digress; the main idea we tend to forget about in this balancing act is the American Dream. Many people risk their lives to come to this country and become something through hard work and perseverance, finally achieving the American Dream which enchants foreign aspirants of wealth without pedigree.

Perhaps it is our own selfishness that we won’t fix the immigration issue because from the beginning of our country’s history, we have always wanted to pick and choose who we let in. We do not want other countries to send us their "huddled masses", we want the cream of the crop or someone to harvest our crops-not someone who will take our jobs. Yes, as ridiculous as this sounds many people worry that you won't be able to find work as a sharecropper these days if we let all of these Hispanics into the country. Yet, who is going to provide the labor? Because the reason people come here is because there is work, and companies will hire them; it is the time-honored Economic position of supply and demand!

Finally, Mr President, if you truly want to get rid of Hispanics and illegal aliens in this country, might I suggest taking away their demand and punishing the companies which hire said illegals. Once the demand is gone, the supply will head elsewhere. As for the National Guard going to the Mexican border, well it could be worse; you could be headed to Iraq. One last request, Mr. President and commentators, please be off the air by 9 pm, I have to watch Jack Bauer save the world tonight.

Weekly Economic Calendar for May 15, 2006

Monday, May 15
May New York Fed Manufacturing Index: 12.4. Consensus: 17.
Previous: 15.8.

Tuesday, May 16
7:45 a.m. ICSC Store Sales Index For May 14 Wk. Previous: -
0.4 percent.
8:30 a.m. April Housing Starts. Previous: -7.8 percent.
8:30 a.m. April Producer Price Index. Consensus: +0.8
percent. Previous: +0.5 percent.
8:30 a.m. April Producer Price Index, Ex-Food & Energy.
Consensus: +0.2 percent. Previous: +0.1 percent.
8:55 a.m. Redbook Retail Sales Index For May 14 Wk. Previous:
-2.9 percent.
9:15 a.m. April Industrial Production. Consensus: +0.5
percent. Previous: +0.6 percent.
9:15 a.m. April Capacity Utilization. Consensus: 81.6
percent. Previous: 81.3 percent.

Wednesday, May 17
8:30 a.m. April Consumer Price Index. Consensus: +0.6
percent. Previous: +0.4 percent.
8:30 a.m. April Consumer Price Index, Ex-Food & Energy.
Consensus: +0.2 percent. Previous: +0.3 percent.

Thursday, May 18
8:30 a.m. Initial Jobless Claims For May 14 Wk. Consensus: - 9K. Previous: -1K. 10 a.m. April Conference Board Leading Indicators. Consensus:
+0.1 percent. Previous: -0.1 percent.
10 a.m. DJ-BTMU Business Barometer For May 7. Previous: +0.6
percent.
12 p.m. May Philadelphia Fed Business Index. Conseusus: 12.4.
Previous: 13.2.

Friday, May 19
No major economic indicators are scheduled for today.
Source: Dow Jones

CDC Warns of new STD running rampant in America!

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea-Lectim and is pronounced "gonna re-elect 'em."Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for one's own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical-theocracy, and categorical all-or-nothing behavior. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a Bush found in Texas.

(Thanks to Marcia for sending this to me.)

Boxing Great Floyd Patterson passes at age 71

Former boxing great Floyd Patterson died Thursday at the age of 71 from complications involving his Alzheimer’s disease and Prostate Cancer. Patterson was a golden glove boxer who came into the sport as a troubled youth, but followed his dream all the way to a gold Olympic medal in 1952 at the Helsinki Olympics. After the retirement of Rocky Marciano, Patterson’s trainer Cus D’Amato maneuvered a title match for the 21-year old against Archie Moore in 1956. Floyd Patterson would be the youngest man to win the heavyweight title until after 30-years another troubled youth, trained by Cus D’Amato would win the title; his name was Mike Tyson. Patterson won the fight, but unfortunately years of receiving blows from such foes as Muhammad Ali and Sonny Liston produced a heightened level of Alzheimer’s disease, which took Patterson’s mind eight years ago, and returned for his body just yesterday. Floyd Patterson will be remembered as a class act, a gentleman, for less of what he said and more of what he did for the sport and those of whom he cared.

Perhaps it was the golden age of boxing casting a shine from Marciano’s success onto the young boxer or it may have been the strategic career-maneuvers by D’Amato, but Patterson became an overnight success and a crowd favorite. Despite being knocked out in 1959 for a title match against Ingemar Johansson; Floyd Patterson would return to re-win and become (the first) a two-time World Heavyweight Champion. Patterson was a smaller boxer, albeit one with a big man’s punch and little man’s speed, when he fought in the Heavyweight division he only weighed 186 lbs. It would be this small stature and (suspect-glass) jaw which would be his career downfall, especially when he faced the larger, longer armed boxers in the 1960’s.

Most of us will remember Floyd Patterson as the fighter who wouldn’t call Muhammad Ali by his newly minted name, addressing the Ali with his birth name, Cassius Clay. This not only spurred a piston of hate and open dialogue from Ali, but also created a punishing set of remarks used today when you open a can of Whoop-a@@ on someone. (Yeah, you guessed it. “What’s my name?” Punch-punch. I said, “What’s my name?”) If you take one lesson from Patterson, I think the thing to remember is that no matter how many times the champ was knocked down, he always got up! Here’s to you Champ!

CofC Interim President Named

Interim President Named
FROM: Bobby Marlowe, Chairman, Board of Trustees
I am pleased to announce that Dr. Conrad Festa has been named the interim president of the College of Charleston. Festa will serve in the position until a replacement is hired for outgoing College of Charleston President Lee Higdon.From 1987 until 2002, Dr. Festa was the Academic Vice President and Provost at the College of Charleston. He is currently the Executive Director of the South Carolina Commission on Higher Education. He will step down from that job and assume the duties of interim President of the College of Charleston on July 1, 2006.

“It is like coming home,” says Dr. Festa. “I am proud and humbled to be selected.”

Dr. Conrad D. Festa

In September 2003, Dr. Conrad Festa became the Executive Director of the South Carolina Commission on Higher Education. He is a graduate of Wheaton College (A.B., Economics, 1952), Cornell University (M.A., Literature, 1960) and University of South Carolina (Ph.D., Literature, 1968). Prior to being named the Commission’s Executive Director, Dr. Festa served most recently as the Executive Assistant to the President at the College of Charleston (2001 - April 2003) and before that as the College’s Senior Vice President for Academic Affairs and Provost and as Professor of English (1987-2001).

He has taught and held administrative positions at Old Dominion University in Virginia including those of Associate Dean of the College of Arts and Letters (1985-1987); Chair of the Department of English (1980-1985); and Professor of English (1961-1987). He is the founder of The Institute for Teaching and Learning in Higher Education at the College of William and Mary and has served as the director since 1978. He is a member of the founding team of the Consortium for Public Liberal Arts Colleges and is a member of accreditation team for Southern Association for Colleges and Schools and for the Middle States Association of Colleges and Schools.
He has numerous publications, academic presentations and academic consultancies and holds several distinguished awards including: Honorary Doctorate from the College of Charleston (2001), Danforth Fellow (1980), Delta Phi Omega Distinguished Faculty Award (1974), and Modern Language Association Award for Teaching Excellence (1972).

Dr. Festa has also provided service to the nation as a member of the United States Navy (1952-1957).

His Coat Has Many Colors

I was having a discussion with Walt on his birthday about Time’s article regarding polar bears and the shrinking glaciers, etc, when I mentioned that Alaskan hunters found a hybrid-polar/grizzly bear mix. Everyone thought that I was pushing the proverbial envelope of believability when I mentioned the Prizzly sightings and that a hunter had killed one last month; just as a matter of luck and coincidence I found this article on MSNBC. Apparently a hunter killed the bear last month, but the ranger noticed that “Yogi” was not completely characteristic of a polar bear-having brown spots on its’ grizzly-esque humped back, claws of a grizzly and a strong attraction to the pic-a-nic baskets ah Boo-Boo.

As it turns out, the hybrid bear was killed in Canada near the Sachs Harbor. The DNA test did show that the bear was a 50/50 mix between a polar bear and a grizzly bear. Obviously, this a relief to Jim Martell, the 65-year old hunter who bagged the Prizzly, paid $50, 000 to hunt polar bears because he was facing a year in jail, and a grand in fines for shooting a bear that he did not have a permit for. By the way, if I am the first person to use the phrase Prizzly bear, I want royalty money. Yeah right.

(Photo from the Canadian Wildlife Service/AP via MSNBC)

? Donde es la ring-o ton-o.

Cingular Wireless pulled a download-able ringtone from its Web site Tuesday after learning that it carried a message the company called "blatantly offensive." The ringtone in question began with a siren, followed by an austral male voice saying, "This is la Migra" (la Migra is slang for Border Patrol.) The message continued, "Por favor, put the oranges down and step away from the cell phone. I repeat-o, put the oranges down and step away from the telephone-o. I'm deporting you back home-o." I couldn't help to think about a certain buddy of mine's extensive Spanish vocabulary when I heard about this, yes John; I am talking about you-o.

Cingular removed the $2.49 ringtone from its Web site. Cingular spokesman Mark Siegel noted company officials are reviewing the process used to screen ringtones. (The ringtones are created by other companies.

It's Official James Craig Blackmon is a college graduate!

(Pictured is James Trabert, Craig Blackmon and Bradford Hiers)

Yes, our good friend Craig Blackmon is now a college graduate (see diploma in hand). Call it nostaligia or jacka@@ness-Brad and I wore our old field jackets for our old corps friend. Craig was surprised to see us in field jackets a constant reminder of the old days (97 & 98 patches on the sleeves.) I did have a chance to pick on Bobo for not having enough flare on his jacket-no Varsity letter or Honor Company patch, but he had a good excuse. Wait, no he didn't have a good excuse at all. I digress; congratulations to Craig and to quote the commencement speaker General Peter Pace (Chairman of the Joint Chiefs) "You have finally earned the opportunity to start at the bottom and work your way up." Keep moving forward Craig! We are all proud of you!